Alice Over Zero

Villain who has decided to change their ways.

"Prideforce! It is I, your nemesis — Wolf King!"

The hundred-foot hologram posed amidst the city skyline, crotch outthrust, the glowing red eyes of the familiar snarling wolf helmet painting light trails in the evening air.

"I contact you today, not to revel in your puny ineffectuality, but to admit an error! After extensive conversation with one of my latest captives, I have released all of my hostages!"

"That's good?" Pride Sister Cheetah said uncertainly, eyes flicking back and forth as she sat in the open cockpit of her catmech, chopsticks hovering over a box of half-cold kung pao chicken. "Is that good? Guys?"

"My eyes are opened!" Wolf King purred. "My efforts have been misdirected — I have been fooled by the kyriarchy's smoke and mirrors into directing my righteous rage into lateral violence! It is time..." and a huge holographic fist curled, theatrically, above the financial district — "to punch up."

"...Shit."

"Prideforce." The leering mask turned, as if to look directly at them, parked outside Wu's Noodles. "I have turned over a new leaf! Are you in solidarity with my new direction? Or will you continue to be...cops?"

"Motherfucker," Pride Brother Jaguar said tiredly through a mouthful of pork bao.

ahahahahaha SO GOOD

We need to stop thinking through the most plausible answers to the Fermi paradox, or even the most optimistic/pessimistic answers. We need to gather our brightest minds to think of the funniest answers to the Fermi paradox.

• The very first galactic civilizations are being built right now, but thanks to the lightspeed barrier we can't see any of them. When we develop warp drives in the next 100 years or so we will find that other aliens already got there first. They left us alone because invasion makes zero sense with a practically infinite number of planets and resource-rich asteroids

• There is a great filter, and it makes everyone stay home, but the filter is that we all inevitably develop mathematically perfect pornography

• Theory of Everything reveals a hidden message embedded in the laws of physics that says "Thanks for playing the shareware version of existence! To get all four episodes, send a check or money order to—"

• Nobody leaves their home planet because their internet gives them the existential dread of "everything's already been done/thought of before, so what's the point"

• The edge of the heliosphere is actually just painted on a wall, like a genius Wile E. Coyote plan. When the Voyager probe actually entered the painting like the Roadrunner, the aliens behind the prank became incredibly scared and are still debating what to do next.

We need to stop thinking through the most plausible answers to the Fermi paradox, or even the most optimistic/pessimistic answers. We need to gather our brightest minds to think of the funniest answers to the Fermi paradox.

• The very first galactic civilizations are being built right now, but thanks to the lightspeed barrier we can't see any of them. When we develop warp drives in the next 100 years or so we will find that other aliens already got there first. They left us alone because invasion makes zero sense with a practically infinite number of planets and resource-rich asteroids

• There is a great filter, and it makes everyone stay home, but the filter is that we all inevitably develop mathematically perfect pornography

• Theory of Everything reveals a hidden message embedded in the laws of physics that says "Thanks for playing the shareware version of existence! To get all four episodes, send a check or money order to—"

• Nobody leaves their home planet because their internet gives them the existential dread of "everything's already been done/thought of before, so what's the point"